Depression mounting.

Take this as a Saturday post. I know I said I'm on hiatus here,but I feel a veritable need for me to let out some emotions here. As far as I'm concerned, a public blog isn't an appropriate place to blog about private stuff,but if I contain it anymore,I think I'll crumble under it all. In fact, I did already. I'm on wits end at a phase of my life. I'm currently juggling between facing my O' Level Exams in the midst of having to look after my Mum.Apparently,she's going to go on an operation in December. And I'm also having financial problems.But anyway,I think my Dad will be able to make it. And I feel guilty that I go tuition,when this money can instead be used to pay off bills etc. Nvm,it's ending soon,in fact the last tuition session is tmr. I don't know if it has been worthwhile. Sometimes I get insecured if I tell what I feel to my friends,because this are my private problems and are never meant to be shared with others. But I was feeling very low. I don't know who to turn to,but I know who,and only One. I feel like there isn't a reason for me to be happy now. Sometimes when I'm out with friends, I tried my best to smile,cause' I don't want to affect others' mood by my mood. Plus,if I don't do well for my O's, what would my parents think of me? That their son has disappointed them? That they have wasted their money on their son? I just feel so empty today,be it from the morning I go to school for consultation to going Cherie's house with Amelia to walking home and being at home. I just don't feel loved by others for a moment,at all. Sometimes I ask,what do I actually need? Perhaps I need more external friends,companions. Perhaps I need help. Perhaps I need more love. Whatever it is,I just want to be happy. And it's definitely not the season to be joyful. I guess I can't go to Prom as my Dad is already complaining abt financial issues & I guess I have to find a job after O's,to help to chip in. Bet everyone's busy mugging. Bye. Why is it always me ?