Breaking Point.

No more talking about results. A borderline pass for Biology.How stupid.I was so broken,disappointed and upset on Tuesday that I threw all my books,notes and papers across my room and flung them all over.My room looked as if the things had been rummaged through. Cried buckets of water. I won't be surprised if I'm the only one in the clique sitting down in the hall on O'Level Results day and the others will be standing with pride and eyes on them. How heartbreaking. This is the feeling of having the dreams that you placed up high,being shattered one by one,time after time gradually.Dreams of obtaining good results,dreams of entering a prestigious college at the end of it. A breaking point. I'm never going to place any hopes from now on,but I will keep believing.

Aku memerlukan pertolongan dari-Mu. Aku tidak boleh melalui ini semua tanpa Mu.

worlds apart.

I feel so remorseful. I tried very hard.Tried damn hard to let go.But it isn't working. My brain is all filled with those thoughts. Very hard to forget.Why are my eyes so watery now.,thinking about friendship.Must control. I only ended up hurting myself.Long-lasting affinity I need. ): Why am I crying so much. Bye.All alone in the house for hours.Heart-wrenching Saturday.

night after night,i hear myself say 'why can't this feeling just fade away'.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation,you build up all the failures all you've known, remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go

Soccer first. Woke up at 3am.Watched match.Liverpool won Steaua Bucharest 4-1 in the Europa League yesterday. Joe Cole scored his first goal,Ngog scored a brace and Lucas had a goal too (unexpected) . good job done by The Reds. Had another great day.Woke up,breakfast,rushed off for Friday Prayers. Hated the downpour.There wasn't as many people as there were compared to last week.Probably because of the rain.Stayed awhile for some time in the mosque after prayers.To do something :x I love Maher Zain's songs.They lift me up. Then rushed off for badminton at Tampines Sports Hall with Gracie,Atika & her housemate.Great badminton game. Then rushed off again for bowling with Liting,JunJie & Jasper at eHub. Had a great chat with LT on our way there. So we played 2 games. I tied with LT,with Jasper 2nd and Junjie 1st. Then 2nd game,LT got last,Jasper 3rd,Me 2nd and Junjie 1st. It's comical to see the three women playin' bowling.Couldn't stop laughing.I hope they don't know we were laughing at them! Went for dinner with Jasper.Then home. Bus ride home was a nuisance.Don't like it when all the Malay boys and girls start making stupid noises and all like as though it's their grandfather's bus. This is one of the reasons why...Okay I'll not say it. Anyway,I looked through some of the old photos I took with my friends last year and this year. I can't help but to feel sad when I look at how so many things have changed ]: Don't like being at home now. Need i say more? Bye weekdays.Here comes boring weekends. I got no choice. I'm forced to. He wants it that way. I have to. Sometimes I ask myself "Do they hate me?". What happened to the old us.i feel sad because of it. / I want a 360 degree turn in my life.My problem isn't nothing like yours. It's permanent,staying long with me.i cried.

Self-inflicted.

Love this pic the most

I'm the tallest! and fattest too...

Today was great :) Went on an outing with Liting,Kristine & Jun Jie.Had lunch first at Bugis followed by indulging in ice cream! Cream & cookies ice cream! Thanks Kristine for the Hershey chocs! Ice skating was awesome,although tiring.Brr.An oink fell on the ice with a scream.Thanks peeps for the great day! To someone,although I know you won't read this,press on.You'll be able to pull through.I really don't know how to help you everytime I hear your problems.Keep on believing and persevere.Family problems,one after the other.Seize the opportunity. I hope I am able to. When there's a will,there's a way. To say that I was treated unfairly,isn't even a doubt anymore.

Remedy for the broken heart.

End Of Prelims. It has been a long and tough journey. And it's not even the real test.The real battle is coming in about 40 days' time.Go and get your armour~ Battlefield. Don't know how I will fare for Prelims. But I did studied hard I guess. It's miraculous I was able to cover 25 Chemistry chapters in just two days with a 2.5hr tuition on that day. Say goodbye to the restless,tough mugging nights for now...till don't know when. Thanks for keeping me around with the constant jokes and laughter or whatever it is although I know I was going bonkers. Suffering from sleep deprivation. After chem paper,went to play badminton and table tennis. Hot. Must cherish time spent with friends.Going to be over sooner or later before you know it. I never laughed so much after a long time,today. Don't know what I was laughing at anyway. I need a haircut.Like some pile of bushy carpet grass pasted on top of the head.Feel heavy.Plus Im heavy already.Joke. H.a.h.a im not even laughing. so funny. haaaaaa...chew. Feel bored already. I don't like it when people dao or ignore when I say something to them,especially if they're close to you. Bye.

I miss...

Impeccable.

Love my shades :)

Hari Raya was great. Love the delicacies,the sambal prawns,the lontong goreng.On top of it all,most importantly,meeting the ones I love and where I came from. Love my family. Period. Currently,I'm really on a stress fight with academics in view of the Prelims next week.Don't wanna screw any of the papers. Don't feel like going Jasper's birthday party due to certain reasons.Sorry Jasper...but I'll still turn up for it. Anyway,since it's Sunday already,happy birthday Jasper! Thank God the US pastor didn't carry out the plan of burning the Qur'an. If not,I'll be so pissed pftt. Why must Christians and the Islamic people be in some kind of conflict? :x Ironic. BPL started today after quite a break.Didn't manage to watch the Man Utd match properly. Man Utd vs Everton 3-3 Arsenal Won Bolton 4-1 Chelsea Won West Ham 3-1 Good games. I'll stick to Liverpool no matter what. I like a team not because of their winnings or losses but rather the passion and interest which I have that burns for the club.Just sayin' in view of what happened. I'll stick to what I've said in the previous Sunday post. Honestly,I can tell something's going on behind my back.Sixth sense.

I don't need your sympathy.You can go and have fun with your dear friends,so long as you're happy. You lead your life and I'll lead mine. If I were to see you in school,I'll either put on a mask and be a faker or just be happy with you. & if you don't like the way i blog or think that it's stupid of me to be emo everyday,then suck it up seriously. i didn't ask you to like me anyway. I'll just be a faker then. If you think I'm pathetic in being a faker,suck it up.

Wow.I said that.I'm still learning the art of being a faker.Wait,I'm one already.Wow.I love fakers.Fakers rule! Time to study. Night.

At the end of a storm,there's a golden sky.

Ramadhan kini tinggal,Hari Raya pula menjelma.

Been a busy week. Tuesday-Went out with Gracie,Atika,Genghao to Clarke Quay & Esplanade.It was great.Love the night life there.Had supper at MacD before reaching home at around 12am. Thursday-Tuition in the morning. Had some tuition changes,some people quit.After shopping,went to do 'shopping' with Junjie & Genghao.For a moment,I thought I was doing grocery shopping. Ramadhan left.Hari Raya arrived.So sad. No more breaking fast at 7pm plus and no more waking up at 4.30am to eat. I believe I've done good deeds over the past month but I feel like it's still not enough.Never have I prayed that much in the month. Anyway,I read a Yahoo! article which mentions about some U.S. pastor planning to burn the Islamic bible to mark the anniversary of the Sep. 11 attacks. Angelina Jolie rebelled against it. Why are they doing such things ? ): And I don't get why some of the Islamics bomb places and carry out terrorist attacks to uphold the religion. That's not the way to do it... Why am I talking about this? Such a sensitive issue. I lazy go out tml. Bummer. Hari Raya's getting abit boring. Must wake up early like 7am some more.Grr. Tired. I'm busy but I'm free.Get it? Conclusion,I'm free. Sian. I want to sleep alr.So late,2.37am to be exact. Night. Anyway. Selamat Hari Raya!

I've failed to understand you,I'm sorry. My heart still does...I can't accept the hurtful truth.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky And I'll make a wish Take a chance Make a change And breakaway Out of the darkness and into the sun But I won't forget all the ones that I love I'll take a risk Take a chance Make a change And breakaway (Y) ~

It feels so good to feel nothing,nothing,nothing.

Charice's songs are nice .

Broken promises.

Sunday Used com,youtub-ing all the malay songs. watch TV with my mum and dad. my dad being the nonchalant one,was sleeping infront of the TV whereas my Mum and me cried over one of the malay dramas.like really cried. and i am not the type who will cry over such dramas. but i guess i can somehow relate to it and feel it,so we both just kinda cried.pretty mushy and embarrassing. i enjoy having someone to talk to in the house. then slept from 4.30pm to 7pm. suddenly Atika called. -.-' chatted and stuff.then she randomly said 'have fun breaking fast'. Random ttm. break fast with Mum. tried the delicacies. very nice. love the cookie-like food,the cornflakes(!!) and the pineapple tarts. then went out with Mum and Aunt to tampines mall and century square. My Aunt bought a necklace or something. then she treated me to Long John Silvers. so nice of her :) last night i walked her back home,cause' it was pretty dark heh. had chats and stuff. reached home at around 10.20pm. I want to be frank. Family are so much better than friends. Some friends backstab you,betray your trust,leave you in the lurch,unlike family,who is always there to give support. My Mum can really tell whether I'm happy or not. Unlike my friends,who simply,aren't conscious and some may be self centred. I don't need your sympathy.You can go and have fun with your dear friends,so long as you're happy. You lead your life and I'll lead mine. If I were to see you in school,I'll either put on a mask and be a faker or just be happy with you. & if you don't like the way i blog or think that it's stupid of me to be emo everyday,then suck it up seriously. i didn't ask you to like me anyway. I'll just be a faker then. If you think I'm pathetic in being a faker,suck it up. I can't help but to break down and cry. & I am talking about two whole complete things. It has nothing to do with what happened recently.

Bawaku terbang dan Menggegar Dunia di bersama Aidilfitri

Alone on a Sunday. What's going on in my life? Seriously.I'm so sick and tired of being sick & tired.Rashid,get a life. Things change,and people change.

save the title.

Today was just another unproductive day.Not in terms of how much schoolwork or revision I did,but in terms of how much I did in a day.

Religious class in the morning.I like the way my teacher brings up certain issues in the society. Went Marine Parade Library for awhile. Read Torres's autobiography for awhile.Went home,reached at 3pm. Slept all the way till 7pm. Break fast. Used computer. Watch TV. How unproductive and how boring. There's no one in the house since 7.45pm... I feel so bored and lonely. Sometimes I just wish I have an elder brother so I'll have someone to look up to or spend time with in the house. Mum went out with aunt.Father works.Me? Alone and bored. I can no longer depend on others to have fun. Everyone's busy with their lives;going out in the night,doing school work,spending time with their own families,rejecting my suggestions,not interested to talk to me. Sunday? What's Sunday when you don't go out? Can someone just ask me out. Gonna turn on Mio and watch some sports or racing.See if my boredom will fade away. No BPL till next Saturday.Liverpool match next Sunday! Bye.

Do you see how much I need you right now, When you're gone, The pieces of my heart are missing you, When you're gone, The face I came to know is missing too, When you're gone, The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok,

September

I have so many things to say.I'll start off with good ones first. Elective Geography Prelim paper today.I think it's okay though. Stayed back to finish up the testimonial. Went to watch "Vampire Sucks" after the paper,with a group of friends. Went Friday Prayers first.Totally had no mood to go.I feel very draggy whenever I had to attend it nowadays.I am losing hope and faith.Sigh. Furthermore,my state of hunger didn't help at all.People who aren't fasting,can easily lament they're hungry.What about me then? Before the movie started,I was very upset. When people ask if I was okay,I had no choice but to tell the truth.No. The movie is retarded,idiotic and...idiotic. No wonder it's NC16.Super retarded.6 bucks poof. Nevertheless,I laughed crazily. Home.Sleep.Had a vision or a dream.Whatever. September holidays. Not looking forward to Hari Raya.Just want to stay at home. My parents bought the Hari Raya clothes already and the delicacies. My Mum insisted on me inviting my friends to my house. Anyone,Chinese,Malay,all are welcome~ I love strawberry puddings & drink made yesterday which consists of Seven-Up & mixed fruits. Bad stuff now. Last year,I realised I can mingle well with people.I'm happy,normal.

But this year,I changed alot. I no longer know how to socialize. I get upset,moody,jealous,frustrated easily in outings with friends. Sometimes I do get the point.But I'm no paper doll you can use and throw away as and when you like. Hate my body. Hoping for something great to happen. T.G.I.F

There can be miracles When you believe Though hope is frail Its hard to kill Who knows what miracles You can achieve When you believe Some how you will You will when you believe

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain Nothing to lose but everything to gain Reflecting now on how things could've been It was worth it in the end

Memory lane.

Been' 3 days since I last blogged.It felt like a week though,maybe because of all the studying.

Tuesday was exhausting.Teacher's Day "concert" in school.Laughed like crazy over stuff.ACES programme. Went back my primary school after accompanying the rest for lunch. Took bus 65 from the Clearwater condominium.Really brings back alot of memories in the bus ride. Saw about half of the class came back.Wow,still after 4 years some more.I miss the canteen,everything actually. Managed to interact with my malay,science and form/maths teachers,and of course my friends :) My malay teacher still looks the same,really enjoyed her lessons last time.That's why my malay grades were great last time,more like motivational in that sense. They expect us to come back in JC uniform next year.Right. Nice chat with teachers. I so miss the canteen food/drinks.Sadly,the timing was wrong.Gosh. & the school got ppl play soccer.Actually my friend (not classmate) invited me to play,but didn't bring extra shirt and i'm too tired already plus my main purpose is to catch up with classmates,not to play. mingled around,went back up to old classroom on 4th floor.memories sia. crapped around. this is the most annoying part. TUITION. i was damn tired in the bus back.mind not at peace. suffered through tuition.hungry,thirsty,sleepy,lazy to do work.but managed to persevere finally had bubble tea after tuition :p Today's Bio paper was a F.A.I.L. But I studied hard for it,though. A.Maths paper 1 was okay.I thought it's easier than MYE.but i think i made alot careless mistakes.just hope i get 64. Paper 2 will be a killer. Now I'm hungry & sleep-deprived.I wonder how I get all the patience to persevere through the stress and hunger.I know where I got it from though. Above. ^^ My brain now all eroded of brain cells by hydraulic action,abrasion,attrition blabla.Deforestation,botak already.Ok lame. I probably should be studying now.But I'm hungry,tired,sleepy. I Can Do It! Can't wait for tmr.The day I'll get to say T.G.I.F... after Geog paper. Wants to do things that I want to do.But always ended up as missed opportunies,one by one.

Every night.Every day.Every moment. But do you know? Cause' I really do. You won't understand,you probably won't accept me if you find out the truth.